First World Problems: Bridezilla on the Loose
By Judy Balan
First World Problems is a funny advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: My sister is getting married, and she’s become a bridezilla, ordering the family around and adding expenses at every turn. Is it my responsibility to give her a reality check?
All reality checks are harsh; there is no such thing as a nice one. And now that we’ve got yours out of the way, let me assure you, as a former bridezilla, your sister will get her reality check.
It’s called marriage.
I mean, even the best marriages come with those moments when you wish you had spent more time researching the spouse’s annoying habits (such as pausing several times in the middle of a Homeland binger to take phone calls: Really, what’s up with that? How does someone not get that a couple’s TV bingeing time is sacred?) instead of picking wedding floral arrangements. So, you just have to wait it out. But if you’re just looking to de-stress and have some fun at your sister’s expense, try this:
Tell your sister’s fiancé not to be reachable for a couple of days because you’re planning this really special Girls’ Weekend. Then, make your sister watch My Best Friend’s Wedding and alert her to the possibility that some hot woman might be trying to steal the groom (the only essential prop for a wedding) this very minute. She’ll then try to call the fiancé, who is unreachable for a couple of days, which is just enough time for her to 1) Lose her shit, 2) Calmly process facts, and 3) Realise she’s probably panicking over nothing and be thankful that she already has everything she needs.
Of course, she’ll probably hate you for a while, but at least that won’t be a reality check.
PROBLEM: I think the person who had my phone number before me was a girl who… knew how to have a good time. At least thrice a week, I get a call or an SMS from a guy looking to meet ‘P.’ (Some of the messages/calls have been… explicit.) How do I handle this? I’ve tried giving an explanation that this is no longer P’s phone, but they don’t believe me.
Most interesting. I don’t know you at all but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you probably don’t have half as much… fun… as P. I don’t mean this as an insult; I merely recognise you as a kindred soul. Perhaps, this is the universe’s way of nudging you to approach life with the question: What would P do? And when you find the answer, come back and enlighten this fellow Uptight Person Who Does Not Know How to Make the Best of Being Single in 2016.