First World Problems: To Catch A (Cake) Thief
First World Problems is a funny advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: Thrice in office we’ve left someone’s birthday cake in the refrigerator, only to find it half-eaten the next day. How do we catch whoever is doing it?
Please tell me the only reason you want to catch her (I’m sure it’s a her) is so you can get her to teach you how to live like that? I mean, this person clearly understands life. I would sign up for her seminar and proudly wear the Eat cake like no one’s watching T-shirt, too.
PROBLEM: I have two dear friends who have important events on the same day — one has a graduation and the other is having a good-bye party before moving abroad the next day. How do I decide which to go to?
Things to consider:
- Who asked you first?
- Which one do you want to attend more?
- Which party has less boring speeches? (I think we already have a winner here.)
- Who is more likely to slash wrists and jump off the building? (Ditch her.)
- If Katherine Heigl found a way to be bridesmaid at two weddings on the same day without anyone finding out and to meet a cute guy along the way in 27 Dresses, maybe you can handle this? But if not…
I remember an episode of Full House in which DJ is playing Juliet at her school play and Stephanie is having a science fair, and Superdad Danny Tanner has to figure out a way to attend both or find a way to break it to one of his girls that he can’t make it. He’s so stressed that he dozes off halfway through his therapy session and misses both events. Genius. “I was so exhausted, I don’t even know when I fell asleep.” No one would dare argue with that.