First World Problems: Despot At The Puja
First World Problems is a weekly advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy at firstname.lastname@example.org (confidentially!) if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: I’m on the pujo committee for my building society. The chairwoman is driving us all mad, acting like a dictator and we, her minions. She’s determined to win an award. It’s ruining the pujo for the rest of us. The end is in sight, but it’s unbearable. Should we mutiny?
This may be too late to help you this year, but keep this idea in mind for 2016: Perhaps you could all send her a note politely reminding her that the pujo is for Durga, not Kali? She’s probably confused and just getting into character. Could be an honest mistake. Or you could grin and bear and, come Diwali, bring out the ten thousand wallahs and place them just outside her window. Speaking of, I’m beginning to wonder if a lot of people see me as Crazy Pujo Lady ’cause I always get the ten-thousand-wallah-outside-window treatment. Anyway, if she gets very upset, just wait for December and in the spirit of Christmas, you can all forgive each other.
PROBLEM: Every time I take an auto with one friend, he makes a ‘joke’ (but really he’s serious) about how we’re true sons of the soil, traveling this common way. It’s obnoxious. What’s a good comeback to make him stop/give him perspective?
I’m afraid this is going to take a lot more than a comeback, but, I swear, he’ll remember it for life. So — you up for it? Right: Don’t show up for the next auto ride. Instead, hire a bullock cart and send it to him with a sing-o-gram about how now you’re truly sons of the soil. It will be like Pretty Woman … except, instead of Richard Gere and roses, you could have men in saffron garb jumping out with anti-beef slogans. If he gets upset, tell him it was a ‘joke.’