First World Problems: A Fat Shaming Maid
First World Problems is a funny advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: The portion size my maid packs for my lunch is too small — not enough even to feed a baby! I’ve asked her so much to pack larger amounts, but I think she forgets. I often end up ordering in at office. And on days when I’m too busy to do that, I come home starving. How do I get her to remember?
You are very nice to attribute it to forgetfulness, but if that’s really the case, I’d like to test it: Double her work load the following day and tell her you’re too weak to do your regular chores ’cause she keeps forgetting to increase your portions. If she still forgets the next day, I will contribute to Alzheimer’s research as an act of contrition. If she doesn’t, you’ve got a much bigger problem on your hands: a fat-shaming maid. How does one deal with that?
PROBLEM: I routinely come across my building’s security guard either dressing or undressing (normally mid-shirt-button) in the evening. I look away in an obvious way, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. This has happened three times now and it’s… awkward. What’s a good joke to make to break the ice?
Mock-cover your eyes as you step out of the elevator (or walk down the stairs) while singing, “Don’t worryyyy… if you’re naked, I can’t seeeeeee you.”
Of course, if your luck is anything like mine, the security guard won’t even be around but the cute neighbor you’ve had your eye on for a while will. And good luck on making jokes about that.