First World Problems: ‘I’d Rather Step on A Nail’ Than Get Dinner With Them
First World Problems is a weekly advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at email@example.com if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: Judy, I have a problem. My husband hates my best friend’s boyfriend. His exact words were: “I’d rather step on a nail” than have dinner with them again. I just found out they’re getting married …. What to do? I want to keep her in my life, and he wants that, too, because he likes her. It’s just her boyfriend (soon-too-be-husband) he hates ….
She is your best friend. Keep that as the header for what I’m about to say. Because this whole ‘if we are friends then our husbands-and-kids-and-Shih-Tzus must get along’ is a ridiculous amount of pressure for everyone involved. Yes, chemistry between couples is great, but you can’t force these things. Because at some point, your husband is going to get drunk and confess his true feelings. And that’s best case scenario. So: Tell your friend the truth. Generously peppered with reassurances of how much you love her and fully support her relationship, of course. Maybe even add how much your husband adores her. If she gets it, great. If she doesn’t, give her time to sulk and bounce back. If that doesn’t happen, then she sees you not as individuals but as some sort of tacky value pack. In which case, good riddance. Is there an easier way? Well, your husband can suck it up and choose to put up with this guy once a month because he loves you. But if I were you, I’d keep the but-you-love-me card for when I’ve done something insane, like, purchased tickets to see the Northern Lights without discussing it with him because “I read an Elizabeth Gilbert book and felt inspired to just go marvel at something.”
PROBLEM: A close friend is marrying a foreigner. It was meant to take place in Delhi, but with a month to go, they’ve changed it to Morocco (where he’s from) because of some visa issue, I think. So — do I have to go? I’d like to be there, but it’s kind of short notice. And expensive.
Why would you have to go? It’s short notice and it’s in another country! Which is, like you said, expensive. I wouldn’t. Not unless I wanted to see a Moroccan wedding. But if we’re very close friends, then I’d probably make it up to her by throwing her a surprise, fake Indian wedding party or something. Which just might work out as expensive as the trip to Morocco. So yeah … don’t listen to me. I just might cancel the party preps last minute and catch the first flight out. I’d say, if it’s not going to put an irrecoverable dent in your bank balance, go. It’s not every day that your friends get married against an exotic backdrop. But if you’re going to hold it against her for the rest of your lives, do her a favour and save that money. For better wallpapers or something.