PROBLEM: After my wedding, I shifted to a different city where my husband is from. He’s lived here for a long time and has lots of friends. They’re all wonderful, but I definitely feel they all still view me as “R’s wife.” How do I get them to see me as me?

Dear R’s Wife (heh heh heh),

I don’t know how to break this to you but you are R’s wife, too. That is one of the roles you play, and it’s only natural for his friends to see you through that filter. You still get to define what R’s Wife is like, though (hint: you), so does it really matter if they occasionally refer to you that way?

But if it bothers you that much, then consider this a life-lemons-lemonade situation. I know that I’ve always wanted to live multiple lives in one lifetime, which is why I write fiction. So think of being R’s Wife as your chance to be someone entirely different: R’s Wife: She’s fun, sassy and isn’t afraid to embrace her inner bitch. Or: R’s Wife: Bipolar and gets away with anything. Or, if you’re reclusive like I am: R’s Wife: Alcoholic and manic-depressive. Will kill you if you attempt to get her out of the house when she isn’t in the mood.

Of course, R would have to play along, but that’s the least he can do for this identity crisis he has caused.

 PROBLEM: My building hosted a huge Holi party where the pool got filled with coloured water. I was against it. Now, the building society is demanding everyone chip in to pay for cleaning the dye from the pool — even the people who objected. Is it alright to say no?

Absolutely, you are. Are you kidding? Get them to come and clean your house while they’re at it.