First World Problems: Seeing Red
First World Problems is a weekly advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy at firstname.lastname@example.org (confidentially!) if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: My favourite colour is red. For some reason, my mother-in-law thinks I look terrible in the colour, and whenever I wear it (often) she passes some comment. Literally everyone I know besides her thinks I look great in red. I’m done with ignoring her comments, but what do I do to get her to stop? Seeing red!!!
Oh, it’s easy. Tell her you want to share something super-confidential with her. Make a big deal about it, so she feels special. Then, once you have her attention, tell her that you know exactly how awful you look in red — which is why you need to wear it more often. It’s this atonement thing that the priest (or new-age guru) prescribed to you in order to get rid of bad karma. It doesn’t matter if she’s not into that stuff. The point is, you need to keep wearing red without her raining on your parade with her rude commentary. And she probably needs to know that you know that you look awful in red. So, win-win!
Of course, you can always ask her to go watch a soap instead of giving you fashion advice, but I’m assuming you’d rather not anger the ancients.
PROBLEM: I stop by the small shop by my flat almost everyday, usually on the way back from getting my daughter from school. The owner always gives her a piece of candy, which I’ve told him I don’t like because it’s not good for her. He still manages to slip her some, and I find the wrappers in her pockets. How do I get him to stop?
Stop stopping by the shop. Find another shop. Perhaps it would be a good idea not to take your daughter along. Wow, you actually needed an advice columnist to point this out to you? I never thought I’d meet (or e-meet) one in my lifetime, but you are That Person, the one who calls customer support and rants for half an hour about what a piece of crap their printer is only to have the patient guy at the other end point out that you haven’t plugged it in. Fascinating. The next time I do something dumb, I’ll think of you and go easy on myself.