First World Problems: Selfies in The Street
By Judy Balan
First World Problems is a weekly advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: A few days ago, I was driving. Or rather, I was sitting in my car, which wasn’t moving on the road, because a group of teens were busy taking a selfie in the middle of the road, holding up traffic. It took them a full 60 seconds, ignoring everyone’s honks and shouts. So … I know things have changed with this generation — is this now acceptable behaviour?
P.S. But sometimes, you’ve got to fight fire with fire. Have you never heard of photo bombing?
P.S.S. I mean, you were conveniently stuck behind a group of teenagers taking selfies!
PSSS. You could’ve become Instagram-famous by now with your own fancy hashtag. #LetThatSinkIn
PROBLEM: My daughter always complains there’s not enough storage space in our flat. I try to tell her if she would simplify her life and have fewer things, she wouldn’t find it so. She doesn’t listen. How can I get my point across?
Such brats. Tell her there’s only one alternative: She could earn an income by doing chores around the house. She may then use said income to buy tiny bits of extra space from you every month. Once she bites, get all of the cleaning done and hand her a surprisingly decent amount of cash. Just as she starts telling you what a cool parent you are, tell her you’re very sorry but you’re going to have to take 20% of that cash away from her now and hand it to her baby sister (who will probably make a money castle out of it) because, you know, it’s the law. When she’s at the precipice of a giant meltdown (because she can’t afford the space without that 20%) tell her there might be a way around it – that she could in fact, save that 20%. Dangle hope. Again, wait for her to bite. Then, tell her that one of the ways to do that would be to buy extra space.
“Wait, what?” she’ll say.
“You heard me right,” you’ll say.
“How can I buy space to save the 20% when the 20% is the reason I can’t buy space in the first place?”
“I have this same conversation with my auditor every year, and he loses his mind. Ice cream?”
Not only have you solved her space issues, you’ve given her a glimpse of adulthood and become her best friend. You’re welcome.