First World Problems: Sharing Secrets With A Spouse
First World Problems is a funny advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately, or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: If someone tells you something and then says something like “don’t tell anyone” — is it ever OK to share it with your spouse?
But of course. For starters, this person wasn’t supposed to tell you. They did anyway and now that they’ve got it out of their system, they want to shift responsibility to you. Not cool. Also, one’s spouse should not be counted as a separate person in these situations. I mean, what is the point in sharing your whole life with another human if you don’t get to use them as a scratching post for your ‘cannot hold this juicy piece of information in any longer’ moments? If they confront you about it, do not back down. Just look them straight in the eye and tell them what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. (When in doubt, quote the Bible.)
Also, if the spouse is a straight man, it is highly likely he has no recollection of you sharing this secret. So, win-win.
PROBLEM: An older friend wants me to come to her 4-year-old’s birthday party. I don’t really want to go, and I don’t have children. What’s a good excuse?
Right. My top three:
- “OK, but you have to come to my singles party next week and pretend you’re not a parent.”
- “Sure! Will you come to my kitty shower later, though? What, you don’t have a cat, you’re allergic to cats and you don’t understand what to do at a party for a pregnant cat where you’re expected to bring presents for said cat? I know how you feel.”
- And as always, my favourite is the truth: “I don’t really want to go and I don’t have children.” But perhaps you could add “I hope you understand? You know I really love hanging out with you.”
I mean, why be snarky when you can be right?