FWP: Love, or Social Media Censorship?
PROBLEM: My husband keeps social media censoring me and I am alarmed. He says it’s because he wants to protect our privacy, but I’m worried it’s a sign of what is to come. Delete that tweet, don’t post that picture with your cleavage — what’s next? Don’t go out of the house? Are these signs of controlling behavior in real life?
KB: This one’s easy. Does he say the same thing about leaving the house with that cleavage? How does he feel about dinner parties in miniskirts? If your man is totally supportive of your sexiness in real life, then it sounds like his digital privacy obsession isn’t just pretext.
But if these comments are spilling over into real life situations, and he’s trying to cover you with a tablecloth before you leave the house, you need to nip these signs of a controlling person in the bud before it goes too far. Like, now.
LG: I agree, KB, it is about how he handles her real-world choices — but, I think it could be a slippery slope. Is he obsessive about his own social media posts? Does he limit his own Instagram photos to just food pics? As long as he’s concerned about the digital privacy of your both, as a couple, then it’s legit. If it’s just yours, then it feels like a double standard and a possible attempt at control.
Also, just a reminder that your life is your own, and while it’s Couple Caring 101 that you respect his feelings and take them into consideration, you don’t have to abide by his requests. If you post the cleavage shot or tweet your snark anyway, does he merely get irritated? Roll his eyes? Quit talking to you for a week? Hound you to take it down? The first two are very different from the last two, and may help you decide if your seeing signs of a controlling partner, rather than of a privacy fanatic.
RK: Okay, I am a strong believer of the don’t-tell-me-what-to-do philosophy. However, if you do love the man, then you will have to hear him out and possibly reach a digital cleavage compromise?
I guess the whole point of closed relationships is boundaries, so you will have to respect his or wiggle your way around them. Though, it can be a warning sign that he wants to “control” or comment on what you put on the Internet — but most likely it could just be general concern for your privacy. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, since you already gave him the benefit of marrying your sexy self.
MM: I agree with KB and LG. You need to evaluate if these concerns are limited to the digital world or if they spill into your real life as well. Differences of opinion over digital safety aren’t as much of a red flag as signs of controlling behavior. I’d say a good way to test the waters would be to up your cleavage game in real life and see how the husband responds!
Got any first world problems? Write to the Swaddle Team at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll sort you out. Kind of.