First World Problems: Swipe Left On Friendship
First World Problems is a funny advice column for India’s first world population. Write to Judy (confidentially!) at firstname.lastname@example.org if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately,
or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind.
PROBLEM: Is it wrong to live like Tinder, mentally swiping away friendship options based on first impressions? Or is it better to give every new person you meet a second chance?
It really depends on what you’re looking for in said friendship, I suppose. Love and loyalty? Or convenience and STDs? Also, just so you know, I make a terrible first impression. (Unless it’s an interview. Then I totally rock it.) My social awkwardness and stubborn reluctance to show any interest in small talk makes me a mental-swipe-away friend. Yes — it takes three to four months to love me. But stick around, and you will love me forever. Now, I can’t imagine why anyone would want to pass up a friendship like that. And yet you must. Because, you see, I haven’t set up my own elimination process. So I’m kind of counting on the flaky ones (a.k.a. people who can’t tell a friend from Siri, a.k.a. you) and their ridiculously short attention spans to eliminate themselves.
PROBLEM: A coworker recently commented on how much I’ve reduced. Is it OK to talk to colleagues about their weight loss?
You poor thing. You sound like you were well brought up! I feel the same way Harvey felt when Mike walked into that ‘white collar’ prison. What? You haven’t watched the Suits finale yet? What are you doing with your life?