Last Call for a New Year’s Resolution?


Jan 11, 2017


PROBLEM: It’s the beginning of the year and my weight loss resolutions are still going strong but my friends threaten to kill my streak. The same folks who were thrilled to hear I’ve started a fitness regime are the ones coaxing me into having “just one more cocktail” at every social gathering. It’s never just one cocktail, and I don’t see why sober people can’t be fun. Is it impossible to reach my fitness goals and have a social life at the same time?

SB: Bottom line, you’re making people uncomfortable with your progress. When we do destructive things, we want company, not an audience. Socializing isn’t a spectator sport, but if you arrive around people’s fourth drink and step up your fun quotient you might just get away with it.

LG: That’s a completely legit and fairly admirable new year’s resolution (and if your friends can’t understand that … they may not be the best friends for you). But while sober people can be fun … honestly, they’re generally not as fun. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and lets us think we are the people we want to be.

So, if your personal collection of Hedonists Anonymous aren’t supportive, and you’re worried about not being invited while you keep your weight loss resolutions, you have two options: (1) Be the most hilarious, charming and unhinged sober person ever. (Body shots don’t have to have vodka in them.) Or (2) Be the sober person who instigates the crazy among all of the other drunkards. (Oh, you’ve always wondered what you’d look like with a mustache? Have you ever thought about drawing one on?)

Either way, a party with you there — stone cold sober — will be memorable.

KB: I’m all for friends supporting your new dietary ambitions, but here’s the problem: You’re clearly not being as much fun as you think you are if everyone can tell that you’re stone cold sober all the time. This isn’t really your friends’ problem.

I think you should either find a calorie-free cocktail (isn’t this why vodka sodas were invented?) or disappear off the social scene until your diet is over. Then, when you show up skinny and fun to the next party, everyone will be double excited.

In the meantime, don’t take it personally; no one likes to hear about healthy living while they’re downing tequila.

MM: I think LG is right. The only way to avoid your cocktail and keep your friends is to be a really fun sober person. Treat this as an opportunity to flick on your stupid switch and be as silly as you want — so no one misses the alcohol in your system.

If you can’t pull off sober-outrageous, then go with KB’s plan. Disappear and show up when you’re skinny and ready to party.

Got a first world problem? Email us at contact@theswaddle.com and we’ll give you some maybe-usable advice.



Written By The Swaddle Team


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