She Probably Takes Candy From Babies, Too


Jun 29, 2016


Article Icon - First World Problems PROBLEM: Every day as I leave for office, I see a woman and a school-going kid of maybe 12 each hailing taxis near my building. I often notice that even if the child spots a cab first and hails it, the woman jumps in. A few good cabbies follow the who-hailed-first rule and turn her down. But many simply carry on, leaving the poor kid scrambling for transport. I wish I could offer him a lift, but I travel in the opposite direction. What can I do to stop this daily wrong?

LG: Here’s what you do. Get yourself a white shirt and a floppy hat with a black band. Get ready for work early a few mornings and plant yourself stoically between them.

Whenever the woman usurps a taxi, declare (loudly; it’s only fun if you’re loud) Leg Before Wicket and award the cab to your young friend. After a few instances of this, she’ll either be shamed into not stealing from a child or she’ll be so freaked out by your umpire-act she’ll start seeking cabs elsewhere. Regardless — a win for Team 12-year-old.

KB: Dear Overly-Polite Good Samaritan, what’s stopping you from the direct approach? Are you too nice, just like the poor kid? An injustice like this, particularly when it’s perpetrated against a child, cannot go ignored.

I suggest you walk straight up to said woman the next time she tries to hop into someone else’s hard-hailed taxi and say “Can you please stop stealing taxis from children?”

If she brushes you off, then next time you and 12-year-old join forces and start some sort of chant (e.g., “this taxi-stealing lady, she probably takes candy from babies…”) until the whole street joins you, and she is shamed into normal adult behavior.

P.S. Is this the same office loudmouth someone wrote in about last week? Because it definitely sounds like it could be the same person.

SH: Direct confrontation it is!

LG: You guys are boring.

MM: You say you’re going in the opposite direction? That’s the best way to beat a taxi stealer! Next time you see the kid, offer him a lift a little way ahead on the road so he can catch the cab before the lady can get to it. And if you want to announce loudly (for the benefit of the lady) why you’re doing this, it can’t harm!

First World Problems is a funny advice column wherein The Swaddle Team weighs in on their own and others’ ‘problems.’ Write to us at contact@theswaddle.com or tweet @The_Swaddle with a #FWP hashtag if you’ve broken a nail, felt a little blue, yellow or green lately, or had a strange encounter of the any-numbered kind. We’ll help you sort it out.


Written By The Swaddle Team


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