There’s absolutely no reason all those Kegels you’ve been doing shouldn’t be put to good use! Without further ado, consider this your Kama Sutra, Pregnant Sex Edition.

The Pillow

We are talking about that full-length body pillow you bought, then ended up kicking to the bottom of the bed like an unwelcome intruder. Time to put that encroacher to good use.

Remember that 80’s term about ‘cushion for the pushin’? This is clearly where it originated.

The Hush-Hush

Remember all those pregnancy and parenting books people have been gifting you since you announced your pregnancy? They were cluttering your house, making you anxious, and not teaching you a thing.

Well, that stack of needless advice can be a nice perch for a little Naughty Librarian role play. (Light spanking optional.) Ideal for all of you joint-family-living sexpots – ‘ssssh!’ing has never been so hot.

The Roaring Volcano

With this pose, you can let those hormones get the better of you. The “mountain” is built in, and your extra sensitivity makes an eruption of anger a daily possibility.

And like any good volcano, feel free to be a little loud.

The Slip ‘N Slide

You’ve probably never been more tempted to strip down than you have been recently. If raging hormones have you sweating like a cold beer on a Goa beach, use that full-body natural lubricant to your advantage. And if that doesn’t work, you can supplement with some of that Bio Oil you stockpiled in Month One.

The Yogi

Who are you kidding: You have not become the pregnancy yoga master you thought you would be. (Mocking lame maternity yoga videos on YouTube doesn’t count.) But… that doesn’t mean those lessons can’t be put to good use. A little Downward Doggie Style might be the quickie workout you were looking for.

The Mozart

So, someone gifted you a BabyPod? Just because its makers weren’t inventive enough to make it vibrate doesn’t mean you can’t use it to get down. Reenact your “Drunk in Love” video fantasies, crop top and all. Beyoncé probably has the same developmental impact as Beethoven, right?

The Sex Tape

Someone has to make sure that nanny cam works, right? Test your newly-installed tech by filming your own dirty picture. (It may take a few tries to find your best angle, given your… condition.) Improbable props and storyline are optional, but encouraged. Just make sure your access password is on lockdown first. Unless you’re angling to become the next Kardashian.