Me – Don’t ask.

Niece – Why?

Me – Because I don’t want to talk about my day. My day was the worst.

Niece – It was a poo day.

Me – That’s exactly what it was.

Niece – Now ask me.

Me – Ask you what?

Niece – About my day.

Me – I don’t want to know about your day.

Niece – Ask.

Me – I have absolutely no interest in your day, little dude.

Niece – Ask, ask.

Me – No. 

Niece – I got married.

Me – Oh my god.

Niece – See? I told you, ask!

Me – Wow. Who did you marry?

Niece – Ezhilarasu.

Me – Okay. Well, at least he has a nice name.

Niece – Ya.

Me – Do I know this Ezhilarasu?

Niece – He came for my birthday party. 

Me – Was he the one who kept biting the sofa?

Niece – No, he was wearing my princess wings.

Me – Oh him! Well, I’m glad you found a dude who is not afraid to wear princess wings. Does your mom know you’re married?

Niece – No.

Me – Aw, you told me first.

Niece – Ya because you were sitting here.

Me – Right. So, what’s it like being married?

Niece – It’s fine. How come you’re not married?

Me – Because.

Niece – Because why. 

Me – I don’t know. I don’t feel like it.

Niece – I don’t feel like eating murungaka sambar, but Amma says I have to.

Me – Ya, it’s kind of like that, except I don’t have to listen to your Amma.

Niece – My friend Jiah isn’t married also.

Me – Some people aren’t, it’s fine. And your friend Jiah is your age so there’s that.

Niece – I’m married but.

Me – So you are. Do we get to meet him sometime?

Niece – Why?

Me – I don’t know, seemed like the polite thing to say. How come you didn’t invite me for the wedding?

Niece – You were on the phone.

Me – So now what are you going to do?

Niece – I’m going to do drawing.

Me – What about your husband?

Niece – Hm?

Me – You don’t know where your husband is?

Niece – No.

Me – And this doesn’t seem odd to you?

Niece – Maybe he went home for lunch.

Me – Well, I wish you both happy married life. Here.

Niece – What it is.

Me – A paper clip.

Niece – I like Dairy Milk.

Me – Well, this paper clip is your wedding present. May it bring you much joy and inner peace.

Niece – Okay. You want to give me Dairy Milk?

Me – No.

*

Niece – I tell you something.

Me – Dude, no.

Niece – Why?

Me – Because you’ll say something weird and too many weird things have happened to me already.

Niece – But I tell you something.

Me – No, don’t tell me anything, I don’t want to know.

Niece – I got married.

Me – You already told me this, and it was bad enough the first time.

Niece – No, again I got married.

Me – Isn’t that illegal?

Niece – I married Jiah.

Me – Wow, what happened to Ezhilarasu?

Niece – Nothing.

Me – You guys were like, “Meh, this is boring now.”

Niece – Ya.

Me – Why didn’t you go for marriage counseling?

Niece – Actually, I forgot.

Me – You forgot you were married to Ezhilarasu?

Niece – Ya, but it’s fine I think so. Also I lost the paper clip.

Me – That’s too bad.

Niece – Anyway it’s not a good gift. I like Dairy Milk.

Me – So it’s you and Jiah now, is it?

Niece – Ya. She has remote control helicopter.

Me – Well, that’s a good reason to marry someone, I guess. What about her personality?

Niece – Once she sneezed and all this stuff came out of her nose and I saw.

Me – Classy.

Niece – Can I have a Dairy Milk?

Me – Why?

Niece – Because I got married.

Me – You do not get a Dairy Milk for getting married.

Niece – On TV they give.

Me – This is not TV land. We’ve talked about this.

Niece – But you gave me a paper clip and I didn’t like it.

Me – Yeah, well, life’s tough sometimes. Always remember that. 

Niece – Chupa Chups?

Me – I have no idea what you said just now.

Niece – Chupa Chups.

Me – What does that mean?

Niece – Can I have a Chupa Chups?

Me – No, it sounds problematic.

Niece – Gems?

Me – No.

Niece – Tic Tac?

Me – No.

Niece – You have to give me something.

Me – Go bring Jiah, I’ll give you both something.

Niece – What?

Me – It’s a surprise.

Niece – You can’t give me paper clip again.

Me – Oh. Okay, would you like a potato?

Niece – Can I have a tomato?

Me – A tomato? Really?

Niece – Ya. I like tomatoes. And I like Dairy Milk.

Me – Okay, then let the tomato be your wedding gift. Wish you happy married life, dear. 

Niece – Okay, but I like Dairy-.

Me – You’re not getting a Dairy Milk, dude. 

Niece – I know why. Because life is tough sometimes.

Me – That is exactly right.