Niece – There.

Me – Yup. There it is. Wow.

Niece – It’s my princess dress.

Me – I know, it just looks a little … different. On Aadhi.

Niece – Ya. Because he’s Aadhi.

Me – Right. And Aadhi, dude, you’re wearing that to the birthday party, are you?

Niece – He says yes. 

Me – Did he though? It sounded like mice or something.

Niece – Should he wear wings but?

Me – Um … you know, about this dress thing–

Niece – I think he should wear wings.

Me – Well, why don’t we ask Aadhi what he wants. Aadhi, do you really, really, REALLY, want to wear that dress to the birthday party?

Niece – And wings. He says yes. 

Me – It sounds different than the noise he made before. Aadhi, dude, nod like this if you really want to wear the dress.

Niece – And wings.

Me – Are you sure? Like really sure?

Niece – See? He wants to.

Me – Why do I feel like I’m going to get in trouble for this?

Niece – Why? Did you say bum?

Me – Some people might not like him wearing a dress.

Niece – Why?

Me – Because … well, some people might not like that he’s a boy and he’s wearing your dress.

Niece – But that’s because he doesn’t have his own dress.

Me – Aadhi, you realize some people might say mean things to you? Or make fun of you? For wearing a dress?

Niece – Who people?

Me – Like, I feel, so many people. 

Niece – I thought you said boys could wear dresses. Your friend wears dresses you said.

Me – Yeah but … I mean this is different.

Niece – Because Aadhi doesn’t have a beard.

Me – No, because … Aadhi, listen. Let me call your mom and ask her.

Niece – Ask her what?

Me – If he can wear your princess dress to the party.

Niece – Is it bad?

Me – No, it’s just … let me ask her. I think your mom’s number is–

Niece – Aadhi’s mom is in Thailand.

Me – Oh. It might be weird if I call her in Thailand to ask if it is okay if her son wears your princess dress to a birthday party. No?

Niece – You said it wasn’t bad.

Me – It’s not, dude, really. It’s just– whose party is it?

Niece – Aaryan.

Me – Okay, let me call his mom and ask if it’s okay.

Niece – I’m also wearing a dress but.

Me – Yeah, that’s not what people will have a problem with though. 

Niece – You said it wasn’t bad.

Me – Dude, it is not bad. No matter what happens with this, Aadhi wearing a dress is not bad, okay? Now, which one is Aaryan’s mom — do I like her?

Niece – No.

Me – Great. This should be a fun conversation.

*

Me – Oh my hecking god.

Niece – What she said.

Me – That was the longest hecking phone call of my entire life.

Niece – What she said but.

Me – Well, after having a family conference which, for some reason, involved assorted second cousins in Delhi, it was decided that Aadhi shouldn’t be allowed to wear a dress to the party.

Niece – Why but.

Me – Because it might make other boys wear dresses, too.

Niece – We bring dresses for everyone then.

Me – What do they think this is, some kind of viral fever?

Niece – Are they mad I’m wearing a dress, too?

Me – No, you’re fine. And they seem fine with Aadhi wearing wings. As long as he’s wearing pants or shorts with them. 

Niece – But I can’t wear pants or shorts.

Me – No, you can. 

Niece – Why.

Me – I don’t know. There are those who think you can’t wear pants or shorts though. FYI.

Niece – We should wear nothing.

Me – No, definitely not that. Ever. 

Niece – I don’t know what’s happening.

Me – So, here’s the deal. Aadhi can wear the wings, pants or shorts, but no dress. You can wear anything.

Niece – I wear my plastic bag dress then.

Me – You can’t wear that.

Niece – You said–

Me – Dude, that’s literally just a plastic bag. You cannot wear a plastic bag to a party. Your mom will shave off my eyebrows.

Niece – Can I shave off my eyebrows?

Me – No.

Niece – Can I shave off Aadhi’s eyebrows?

Me – No, dude. What the heck?

Niece – Aadhi wants to wear the dress but.

Me – Aadhi, you can totally wear the dress anytime here, whenever you want. 

Niece – Okay.

Me – But if you want to go to the party–

Niece – We stay here.

Me – But I thought you guys were excited to go. I thought there was going to be pizza.

Niece – It’s fine. We will wear dresses and stay here.

Me – Okay. We can order pizza, I guess.

Niece – And we can dance. 

Me – Sure, why not.

Niece – And do adding-subtracting. With big numbers.

Me – Wow, when you guys party, you don’t fool around.

Niece – Will you also do?

Me – Adding-subtracting? Absolutely not. 

Niece – With big numbers?

Me – Definitely not with big numbers.

Niece – You can watch us then.

Me – Sure, that sounds like a lot of fun. You’re absolutely sure you don’t want to go? We still can, if you want.

Niece – No. We stay here. We can do adding-subtracting and dance. 

Me – Sounds like a good time to me. 

Niece – Ya. It will be.

Small Talk chronicles conversations between the author and her niece that could, in an alternate universe or in this one, be real.