FAQ: How to Date People With Problematic Political Opinions


Oct 30, 2022


Image Credit: Hitesh Sonar for The Swaddle

In FAQs, we offer practical answers to some impractical problems – to validate your struggles with modern, privileged life.

In a world up in flames, the only thing scarcer than peace is love. Nobody in the world should remain single because the world was made to be enjoyed in pairs.

In this highly polarized world, adults in the dating pool are often concerned about politics. But when all’s fair in love and war, it doesn’t matter whose side you’re on. And thus, people often find themselves attracted to people with views different from their own. They ask, what to choose? Is love political, or is it higher than these worldly matters? Plus, in this lonely lonely world, is letting someone go just because of their questionable views about human rights even worth it? We asked a focus group of neutral fence-sitters how to deal with a partner having opposing, and often problematic, political views. Here are some solutions:

Focus on how nice they are to YOU

Notice how they say “thank you” and “please” when speaking with people they like. And how your partner is always eager to help out family members, and friends, at the drop of a hat. Appreciate the fact that they always speak respectfully to the people they respect — including yourself. And thus, follow the wisdom of the three monkeys: speak no evil, yes, but more importantly, see and hear no evil. 

Don’t lose your partner – lose the news  

Stop the negativity. Why the obsession with news and facts? The media is notorious for heightening every matter beyond proportion for engagement, but you know better than to fall for their trap. The luckier for you if you migrate to a country where the news is censored – or you already live in one. Don’t let things happening to other people in other places disturb your peace of mind – or your dating life. 

Talk about the weather

You know, that thing in the sky that influences our lives and moods and is definitely not affected by policies made by governments? The weather is a proven, efficient, politically neutral conversation starter. And it’s a surefire way to agree. “Phew, it’s hot today isn’t it?” can only prompt sympathetic agreement about the state of warmth – but careful not to tread beyond the immediate feeling of tangible discomfort. It’s unbecoming and unnecessary to deliberate upon why, exactly, it’s this hot. Stick to what you know: the facts that are before you. Oh, it’s raining now? You and your partner may only look outside to nod solemnly that yes, indeed, it is raining. 

Consider that maybe you’re the intolerant one 

After all, how open-minded are you if you cannot respect a minor difference of opinion about human rights and equality? You speak tall about human rights but deny people their right to have problematic opinions. What sort of justice do you aim to achieve by oppressing people like this? It’s time to invest in a self-help book that can help you unlearn your intolerance for hate. Open your eyes: you may be in the pocket of Big Human Rights, you sell out.

Stop and smell the flowers (together) 

There are many things you might have in common. Like an undying love for Palak Paneer Pizza, a shared dislike for green tea, or how both of you love to go for walks in the evening. While the world burns down, it’s the small things that count. But just remember: stick to what you two have in common, and don’t go about demanding the right of equal access to Palak Paneer Pizza for everybody. That’s one way to make your relationship get crowded; you’ll want to avoid this.

Practice gratitude for your partner’s patience 

You could ask the same of your partner, of course, but let’s face the truth: they are not the one bothered by their partner’s political thinking, you are. After all, if your politics cannot accommodate your own romantic and sexual feelings for the love of your life, then are your politics really invested in love and harmony at all? Isn’t it, in fact, their politics that’s making room for you? Plus, politics can’t keep you company on a rainy day – the right person can. Even if they’re literally a right person. 

If all else fails, manifest peace

Remember, opposites attract so keep it sexy – let them endorse the opposite of what you do in peace. It’s like yin and yang: while you speak for equal rights and better treatment for marginalized people, they can cozy up with those responsible for the said marginalization in the first place. That’s how you attract balance and harmony into both your lives. There’s a simple way to do this: chant “the personal is not political” five times a day while clutching manifestation beads that help you depersonalize. Live and let live – even if your partner isn’t so inclined when it comes to others.


Written By Amlan Sarkar

Amlan Sarkar is a staff writer at TheSwaddle. He writes about the intersection between pop culture and politics. You can reach him on Instagram @amlansarkr.


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