Let’s talk about sex — specifically, how much of it is healthy and normal. Plenty of research exists to suggest that sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. But what’s that Goldilocks amount? How much is too much? And are you doing it too little?

First, what isn’t normal: anything you see on screen. Media has sold us all misleading stories about sex for ages — that everyone orgasms within two minutes; that a thunderstorm is the same thing as intercourse. And the advent of freely available online porn has propagated even more (and more wildly inaccurate) myths.

“Desire is too abstract to measure,” Thea Cacchioni, a sociologist at the University of Victoria in British Columbia, told Bloomberg News. “It’s a really recent idea that we should have a high sex desire all the time. We now feel a lot of pressure if we don’t meet the kind of hypersexuality we see in the media.”

So, what is a normal amount of sex in a real-life healthy relationship? It’s a difficult question for even the (s)experts to answer. Sexual desire and satisfaction is highly individualized; it’s difficult enough for two people to get on the same page in a relationship; making sweeping generalizations about an act that requires two (or more — we don’t know your life) people’s physiological, emotional and mental states to line up is virtually impossible.

What’s possible to say is how much the happiest couples are having it: roughly once a week. That’s the frequency at which couples seem to reap the most benefits of sex; couples who had sex more than once a week reported being no happier than couples who got it on weekly. Of course, this finding is based on surveys of 30,000 Americans across four decades, so it’s possible in India, where sexual mores are a little different, the average amount of sex in a healthy relationship that yields peak happiness might vary.

Ultimately, a normal amount of sex is about whatever makes you and your partner(s) happy — and healthy. Sex has been shown to help boosts immunity, lower blood pressure and heart attack risk, improve sleep, and ease stress. So however (in)frequently you do it, know that you’re doing it enough as long as you and your partner think so.