Me – Don’t ask.
Niece – Why?
Me – Because I don’t want to talk about my day. My day was the worst.
Niece – It was a poo day.
Me – That’s exactly what it was.
Niece – Now ask me.
Me – Ask you what?
Niece – About my day.
Me – I don’t want to know about your day.
Niece – Ask.
Me – I have absolutely no interest in your day, little dude.
Niece – Ask, ask.
Me – No.
Niece – I got married.
Me – Oh my god.
Niece – See? I told you, ask!
Me – Wow. Who did you marry?
Niece – Ezhilarasu.
Me – Okay. Well, at least he has a nice name.
Niece – Ya.
Me – Do I know this Ezhilarasu?
Niece – He came for my birthday party.
Me – Was he the one who kept biting the sofa?
Niece – No, he was wearing my princess wings.
Me – Oh him! Well, I’m glad you found a dude who is not afraid to wear princess wings. Does your mom know you’re married?
Niece – No.
Me – Aw, you told me first.
Niece – Ya because you were sitting here.
Me – Right. So, what’s it like being married?
Niece – It’s fine. How come you’re not married?
Me – Because.
Niece – Because why.
Me – I don’t know. I don’t feel like it.
Niece – I don’t feel like eating murungaka sambar, but Amma says I have to.
Me – Ya, it’s kind of like that, except I don’t have to listen to your Amma.
Niece – My friend Jiah isn’t married also.
Me – Some people aren’t, it’s fine. And your friend Jiah is your age so there’s that.
Niece – I’m married but.
Me – So you are. Do we get to meet him sometime?
Niece – Why?
Me – I don’t know, seemed like the polite thing to say. How come you didn’t invite me for the wedding?
Niece – You were on the phone.
Me – So now what are you going to do?
Niece – I’m going to do drawing.
Me – What about your husband?
Niece – Hm?
Me – You don’t know where your husband is?
Niece – No.
Me – And this doesn’t seem odd to you?
Niece – Maybe he went home for lunch.
Me – Well, I wish you both happy married life. Here.
Niece – What it is.
Me – A paper clip.
Niece – I like Dairy Milk.
Me – Well, this paper clip is your wedding present. May it bring you much joy and inner peace.
Niece – Okay. You want to give me Dairy Milk?
Me – No.
*
Niece – I tell you something.
Me – Dude, no.
Niece – Why?
Me – Because you’ll say something weird and too many weird things have happened to me already.
Niece – But I tell you something.
Me – No, don’t tell me anything, I don’t want to know.
Niece – I got married.
Me – You already told me this, and it was bad enough the first time.
Niece – No, again I got married.
Me – Isn’t that illegal?
Niece – I married Jiah.
Me – Wow, what happened to Ezhilarasu?
Niece – Nothing.
Me – You guys were like, “Meh, this is boring now.”
Niece – Ya.
Me – Why didn’t you go for marriage counseling?
Niece – Actually, I forgot.
Me – You forgot you were married to Ezhilarasu?
Niece – Ya, but it’s fine I think so. Also I lost the paper clip.
Me – That’s too bad.
Niece – Anyway it’s not a good gift. I like Dairy Milk.
Me – So it’s you and Jiah now, is it?
Niece – Ya. She has remote control helicopter.
Me – Well, that’s a good reason to marry someone, I guess. What about her personality?
Niece – Once she sneezed and all this stuff came out of her nose and I saw.
Me – Classy.
Niece – Can I have a Dairy Milk?
Me – Why?
Niece – Because I got married.
Me – You do not get a Dairy Milk for getting married.
Niece – On TV they give.
Me – This is not TV land. We’ve talked about this.
Niece – But you gave me a paper clip and I didn’t like it.
Me – Yeah, well, life’s tough sometimes. Always remember that.
Niece – Chupa Chups?
Me – I have no idea what you said just now.
Niece – Chupa Chups.
Me – What does that mean?
Niece – Can I have a Chupa Chups?
Me – No, it sounds problematic.
Niece – Gems?
Me – No.
Niece – Tic Tac?
Me – No.
Niece – You have to give me something.
Me – Go bring Jiah, I’ll give you both something.
Niece – What?
Me – It’s a surprise.
Niece – You can’t give me paper clip again.
Me – Oh. Okay, would you like a potato?
Niece – Can I have a tomato?
Me – A tomato? Really?
Niece – Ya. I like tomatoes. And I like Dairy Milk.
Me – Okay, then let the tomato be your wedding gift. Wish you happy married life, dear.
Niece – Okay, but I like Dairy-.
Me – You’re not getting a Dairy Milk, dude.
Niece – I know why. Because life is tough sometimes.
Me – That is exactly right.
