Study: It’s Better to Tell Children the Truth About Their Adoption Sooner Than Later
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Adopted children experience greater distress if they’re told after age 3 that they are adopted. According to the study, “Delaying Adoption Disclosure: A Survey of Late Discovery
This study contradicts previous studies that recommend parents tell children between ages 4-15 that the child is adopted, or wait until the child is an adult to disclose the news.
254 adoptees took a survey consisting of the K10 (Kessler Distress Inventory
Discovering one is adopted requires psychological work to reconcile at any age. But b
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Greater secrecy is also associated with distant relationships
Adolescents who found out they were adopted reported the most distress; people who found out at age 19 or older that they were adopted weathered the news mildly better. Researchers believe this is because adults have better access to coping strategies, as compared to their younger counterparts. The major coping systems that researchers identified in people who discovered as adults that they were adopted included connection, i.e. trying to connect with their birth family, and seeking support from close relationships, like family, partners and close friends.
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The most maladaptive source of coping that emerged from the study was masking or suppressing emotions. Another person interviewed for the study, who discovered at age 18 they were adopted said, “The least beneficial thing that I did in coping with this information was the degree of rebelliousness that I took. I began stealing from my adoptive parents out of anger, outrage, betrayal, and an overwhelming sense of loss [of myself and my life].”
Currently, little to no literature exists with respect to helping adults who are distressed by the late discovery of their adoption. This is because treatment plans mostly focus on children who receive partial/full disclosure of adoption. The only way to break the cycle of coping with late disclosures of adoption is to dismantle the shame and stigma associated with adoption and encourage healthy openness and communication in families.