The Buzz Cut: Nation Becomes Mathematics Expert While Calculating Timeline of Celebrity Pregnancy
Nation Becomes Mathematics Expert While Calculating Timeline of Celebrity Pregnancy
This week the country’s citizens achieved top marks in mathematics, doing a whole generation of parents proud. Upon a celebrity announcing her pregnancy shortly after her wedding, many immediately put on their thinking caps to investigate how this could have happened. The mystery continues to churn in the minds of people, and the best minds were roped in to solve the puzzle. If “x” months are required for a pregnancy announcement after marriage but only “y” months elapsed, what is the mass of everyone’s business? The answer, it seemed, lay in the depths of ancient history. Look to the astronomer who made India proud by inventing a very important mathematical figure: zero.
Showrunner With White Guilt Fixes TV Show’s Lack of Diversity by Making It About Herself
The showrunner of a sitcom about six attractive white people in New York in the 90s is having a reckoning with diversity decades later. Looking back, she confessed that the lack of diversity in the show wasn’t right, and proceeded to write her wrongs with a 4-million-dollar cheque. The money will be used to fund an endowed chair in the African and African American Studies department at a university, which will, in turn, be named after the showrunner, a white woman. In offering a white flag to critics of a show that became irrelevant 20 years ago, the woman has successfully solved the problem of a lack of representation in show business. The answer? Just throw money at it.
Actor’s Home Decor Brand Surprising Ally to Anti-capitalists as Price of Tablecloth Screams ‘Eat the Rich’
Labor unions and organizers can finally catch a break: a new unexpected ally to the cause drew more support for a socialist utopia this week. An actor launched a home decor brand that priced tablecloths at over 30,000 INR a pop — leading to speculation about what it could all mean. Was the tablecloth’s ridiculous unaffordability a nod to Karl Marx’s theory of commodity fetishism? Is the price intended to signal prospective buyers that soon, on tables across the world, they’re on the menu? Perhaps it could also be a message about global food insecurity, showing how out of reach even survival can be for many while the rich feast on their expensive tablecloths. Could this be the revolutionary tool we’ve been waiting for? One must waiter and see.
Cancel Culture Comes Fulls Circle as It Cancels the Cancellation of Famous Actor and Alleged Wife-Beater
With the conclusion of the defamation trial of the decade, a man accused of domestic violence who successfully managed to silence any public account of it is back in the movies. Reportedly, the actor will suffer very few consequences by way of his career, even as his ex-wife continues to lose opportunities. Cancel culture — that notorious beast known for bringing down the mightiest men — crossed wires somewhere along the way and canceled accountability or introspection instead. Herpetologists have officially classified cancel culture as a snake — one that eats its own tail, in a heroic bid to save some of the worst men from having to face any consequences. Now that’s allyship!