Welcome to TMI, a monthly series that crowdsources awkward details and uncomfortable moments that come with occupying our bodies.
Sexual desires are a complex thing. People’s turn-ons can vary widely, but the norms that have been framed around sexual activity often deem some more ‘acceptable’ than others. What happens when a harmless turn-on falls outside the realm of sexual behavior considered ‘normal’? That’s when arousal and pleasure – both of which are deeply personal – enter a judgment zone, and the fear that one will be shamed for what turns them on takes over. Conversations around pleasure are already limited, and the threat of being criticized for one’s sexual preferences or desires may even prevent people from talking about it with their partners. We asked people about the harmless turn-ons they think others might judge them for. Here’s what they said:
Meat, math and more
“Meat butchers. I find it very hot when people cut/handle meat. Can't say it to people.”
“When they solve math equations (I suck at math).”
“Riding a bike.”
“Talking about smut books.”
A different generation
“Not sure if this is harmless by your standards, but domineering older men.”
“I've had a turn on about being with older people. Like way older.”
Consent and control
“‘Good girl.’”
“Being talked down to.”
“Pretending to sleep/be unconscious while my partner is sexual with me. I get turned on by the feeling of having no autonomy. But only if I've given my consent. So more like a role play -- if there's a lack of consent or someone forces themselves on me, I'd freak out.”
“When he gets angry at others.”
Minds and bodies
“When my boyfriend sleeps naked next to me. I feel so embarrassed that I’m turned on seeing him sleep.”
“I think weirdly I get turned on by people who trigger my intellectual inferiority complex.”
“I may have a mommy kink but I am super into watching women breastfeed their baby -- it's such an innocent thing but my mind starts to play tricks with me.”
“I identify as an Ace-lesbian. However, I do enjoy watching heterosexual porn to get me off.”
“Hairy forearms in men, good public speakers with relaxed and confident demeanor, bald women.”
“Ears.”
“It's more of a kink than a turn-on but I have asked my partners to singe me with cig butts while doing soft strokes.”
