Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.

“My partner works late, and I’m usually the one responsible for all the household chores. The problem is that after a whole day of managing household work, my energy is spent and this has begun affecting my sex life with my partner. How do I fix this?”

— Too tired to be turned on

DR: The only way to fix your sex life with your partner is by fixing your partner. Remind them that being an adult isn’t just about making moolah and getting sex — it’s about doing the most painfully boring stuff around the house, too, whether they enjoy it or not.

SA: Easier said than done, but share the household chores. They live in the house too! If they work late, then they needs to do their share in the mornings, or during weekends, or maybe, do other tasks remotely — like ordering groceries, getting repairs sorted, paying bills, and so on. Find a way to make sure they pull their weight at home; it’s not just your responsibility.

AS: Well, I think the only thing to do here is to relay this to your partner, and get them to share the housework. I get that they work late, but it’s not fair that all household responsibilities fall on you. And it’s, of course, not just you who bears the toll of it; if it’s affecting your sex life, that inadvertently affects your partner too. You could come up with a system together that divides tasks between the two of you, depending on when each of you is available. It might be hard at first, but I think the best way forward is to be honest with your partner, get them to pitch in, and figure out a way to remedy this together.

AT: Have you shared this issue with your partner? It seems both of you work a lot. Household work is an invisible labor that can tire you out both physically and mentally, so it’s understandable how it’s affecting your sex life. Perhaps, you should talk more about what it is you’re missing in your sex life; sometimes, there could be other underlying things — perhaps, a kink you want to explore, but aren’t talking about.

The best way forward might be to find a way to evenly distribute the chores and labor in a way that benefits both of you.