Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.

"My partner and his ex broke up a while ago. I recently met her through my work circle and we got along very well. Since then, we’ve kept in touch and even met up a couple of times. Initially, I didn’t know she had dated my partner but connected the dots much later when she was talking about an ex of hers who, I realized is my partner. I haven’t told her I’m dating him; neither have I told my partner I’ve been meeting his ex. I’m not sure what to do because we’ve gotten friendly and I enjoy her company. But I also feel guilty for betraying my partner’s trust. How do I navigate this?"

– Stuck In a Conundrum

DR: This is such an innocent dilemma that it's making me wish my life were simpler. Honestly, if this is really the biggest ethical conundrum you've ever found yourself in, please consider yourself unfathomably fortunate.

As for whether or not to tell your partner, umm... yes, please do. He's going to find out sooner or later -- so it's better if he hears it from you, no? While you're at it, please tell your friend, too. It would be really unfair if you didn't, and she continued to discuss details of her past relationship, having no idea that everything she was saying could get back to him.

SA: You should be honest with your partner and let them know you've forged a friendship with this ex of theirs and see how they react. I really hope their break-up wasn't a sour one and it's all hunky dory. But if it did end badly I think it isn't fair for you to stay friends with her. If she's hurt your partner in the past then you need to cut them off.

RN: This is quite a situation you've ended up in. In an ideal world, your relationship with others is independent of your relationship with your partner, and it's none of their business whom you hang out with through work mutuals. That said, the longer you keep this "secret" from both of them, the worse it'll be when you do tell them, even if the revelation itself isn't such a big deal. I'm also not sure how you didn't end up knowing about this person being your partner's ex until you had to connect the dots later -- could that perhaps be saying something about how much you and your partner have talked to each other about your lives? If she isn't somebody he mentioned too much, she probably wasn't a significant person in his life, so you're in the clear. But if it turns out she was, and you didn't know about it... I would pause to consider why you didn't already know about it. Also, what's she saying about her ex which made you realize? Is it good things or bad things? If bad, it's an opportunity to examine your own relationships. If good, then please for goodness sake, tell everyone and stop making it a thing!