Woe Is Me! “I’m Upset That My Best Friend is Dating My Ex‑Fling. Am I Being Petty?”
Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.
“About a year ago, everyone knew my best friend’s current boyfriend and I were a thing. I had developed feelings for him but after I told my best friend that he and I made out, he started avoiding me and clarified that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. I understood, and decided to move on. After this, my best friend and he started growing closer while I grew distant. Later, while we were all on a trip together, she invited him into our room and the two made out while I was sleeping on the same bed. That was the stamp on their relationship — I never confronted them but there are days when I really want to take revenge. I don’t want anything bad to happen to them, but I do feel like humiliating them in some way — so they realize how they hurt me. Is that wrong?”
— It’s payback time
DR: The timeline of these affairs is really sus — I hope you can see it too? From what you’ve described, I’m inclined to feel that your best friend and your ex-boyfriend may already have had a thing going on, given how quickly he took off after you expressed the way you feel for him to your best friend. It’s almost like they were a single entity that you were communicating with. Even if that wasn’t the case, I do think they disrespected you by making out on the same bed you were sleeping in. I mean, I don’t fault them for hooking up simply because you had a thing for him, but the bed thing is a tad icky ethically, I feel.
Having said that, I don’t think you should invest your time and energy into taking revenge. Instead, cut this couple out of your life. If the opportunity presents itself on its own, sure, slip in a snide remark or two. But, that aside, I think you should start working towards moving on — to better crushes and friends, both.
DD: Firstly, rethink your friendship with this person; secondly, you’re not wrong for feeling that way at all. What your friend did is terrible and ideally a best friend would be way more considerate of your feelings to begin with. If it’s a relationship worth saving then this person needs to know how the incident made you feel. Have an honest conversation and address your discomfort with her if you haven’t already. Also, making out in the same bed (non-consensually) is extremely sus whether you’re friends or not.
AB: Have you actually moved on? According to you, you understood his decision and chose to let this go, and while yes, them making out in the same bed as you is messed up beyond belief and definitely warranted a conversation, you don’t really have a reason to be upset about their relationship. The fact that people you’re close to are involved does make the emotions more heightened, but it definitely doesn’t justify your need to humiliate them or take revenge. In these situations, the best thing is time and distance — speaking from personal experience, witnessing a situation like this on a daily basis makes the wound fester and opens you up to dark thoughts. Take a step back, and since everyone is aware of the history between the three of you, it shouldn’t be a problem. Don’t make it worse for yourself; create some distance and stop seeing this as some kind of betrayal.
AS: It is perfectly valid for you to feel targeted; to feel petty, even. But sometimes attraction works in strange ways, and we really do not have much to do to averse any kind of unpleasant, sticky situation. Maybe you should try and confront your friend and your ex once, and try to gauge how they really feel with each other. You could be petty, also, but on the longer run, nothing good for anyone would come out of that.