In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Govt Drug Agency Chases Familiar High of Charging Same Woman With the Same Thing
The government’s agency to control narcotics recently filed draft charges against a woman for an offence it investigated her for two years ago. Experts worry about the bureau falling off the wagon and into the same cycle once again, concerned about the lengths it would go to to chase the same high over and over. In its enthusiasm to control narcotics, some are concerned that the agency has lost control over itself. The other explanation is that the agency seems to be in a stupor of philosophical musings about time and seems to be viewing it cyclically, blazing through two years in warp speed and reaching the very beginning again. Still others speculate that the agency has simply mistaken this woman for another — Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
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As World Continues to Be on Fire, Trolls Criticize Singer for Using Gender Neutral Pronouns for Her Own Child
Climate change, what? Failing states, where? Authoritarian fascists, who? All problems pale in comparison with that of the one that a singer has presented: using they/them pronouns. For some Internet trolls who feel that wokeness has gone too far, this singer is guilty of nothing short of child abuse. Giving snowflakes a run for their money, these dangerously fragile critics stand at serious risk of completely disintegrating because of the artist simply introducing her child to the world with gender-neutral pronouns. The only pronouns these individuals stand for is the pronouncement of guilt upon the woman for ruining all that is seemingly good with the world: such as bigotry, intolerance, and hate.
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Conventionally Attractive Woman Receives Praise for Playing Conventionally Attractive Doll
A blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white actor was recently spotted on the set of a film about a doll that famously gave the world extremely realistic beautify standards for women. She was seen to be wearing a neon pink cowboy outfit, looking as beautiful as textbooks can define beautiful — which promptly sent internet stans into a frenzy. The actor received heaps of praise, validation, and general fawning for slaying — not beauty standards, but that’s beside the point. Feminists have, after all, fought long and hard for a woman’s right to be absolutely flawless. In putting this look on a pedestal, netizens have gone a step further in advocating for women’s wrongs too — since, according to some fans, it is criminal to look this good.
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Movie About Toy Inspires Outrage
Speaking of criminal, an animated film about another plastic toy has activated the other end of the internet discourse spectrum: outrage. It features a same-sex kiss, which some believe is taking it too far — to infinity and beyond, one might say. Many draw the line at sentient toys going on adventures in space — but a kiss? That’s too much. The world is not ready, and the toy in question is currently being canceled for its wokeness. At present, the said toy has declined to comment on the matter, although the people involved in the movie have spoken for it in saying that the outrage is simply ridiculous.
