In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Govt-endorsed Film Sets New Standard for Brave Storytelling
When it comes to pitting minorities against one another in a blood-thirsty crescendo, look no further than the latest government-approved film on the block. It claims to tell an “untold story” and it is right — the story saturates everything from political speeches to campaigns to Twitter discourse to untold magnitudes. The director, for one, is thrilled by the fact that his very risky portrait of a community’s pain was lauded by a government that uses the same community’s pain to trigger more pain for another community. Communities who have ever been subject to violence and displacement over contested territory will indeed attest that a government stamp of approval is the ultimate mark of credibility over such narratives. So contrarian and untold is the film’s narrative that the government awarded it tax breaks and even gave employees a holiday to go watch it. The filmmaker’s courage in telling the exact same version of the story that politicians tell their bases received hearty praise by all those who weren’t involved in the pain at the center of the story. The grapevine has it that the filmmaker’s next project will be to turn the ruling party’s manifesto into a gripping, subversive tale unto itself.
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Men Flex Muscles, Engage in Hypermasculine Banter in War Effort
Twitter’s prolific tech lord is once again in the news for his courageous anti-war sentiment. After challenging a warmongering head of state to “single combat” and receiving a diss challenging his masculinity, the man changed his name to “Elona” on Twitter in a show of mighty resistance and solidarity. The banter between the two men about their respective physical prowess and strength bordered on homoerotic, another devastating blow to a country known for its homophobia. The war will never be the same again now that the real-life crusader entered the chat.
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White Woman Smashes Patriarchy by Singling Out Black Women Sports Stars While Accepting Directing Award
A white woman stuck it to The Man at a movie awards ceremony this week — if The Manwasactually two black women who achieved incomparable success in tennis. The director expressed her triumph at winning over the other men in her category by saying that the two black women didn’t have to compete with men like she did. “Bravo!” said feminism, at this ingenious blow to patriarchy. The tennis champions, who were simply in attendance, were unsure as to where they fit into this whole thing. But as a white woman, the director was quick to note how tennis, unlike the movies, has a separate category for women. In an awards ceremony where acting categories are also similarly split along gendered lines, the woman found it necessary to bring up tennis, for reasons best known to her, a white woman.
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Woman of Color Achieves Colorlessness on Cover of Global Fashion Magazine
You’ve heard of decolonization, now get ready for decolorization. A South Asian actor who is, by all accounts, a woman of color, was relieved that she was no longer made to feel like one after her appearance on a magazine cover. Because the international standard of color is the lack of it, her face on the international magazine marked her arrival as a woman of colorlessness. In achieving this miraculous state, the actor smashed not only patriarchal — but also colonial — beauty standards.
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Pizza Toppings Latest Casualty of Late Capitalism
A government body in Haryana levied more tax on pizza toppings, making the astute observation that pizza toppings are not, in fact, pizza. The body carefully scrutinized pizza topping ingredients, making several more groundbreaking discoveries such as “cheese toppings” are not really cheese. People can now rest assured that under the capable hands of this taxing authority, condiments and edible items can no longer hide in clever disguises as other foods. Concerned citizens may no longer lose their sleep over whether pizza toppings are, really, pizza. Scientists can now safely rest, and detectives may hang up their hats.
