The Buzz Cut: Naked Man Threatens National Security in Otherwise Very Secure Nation
In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Naked Man Threatens National Security in Otherwise Very Secure Nation
An actor’s nude photoshoot became the subject of the national debate on primetime news channels. Not one to be left behind (literally) the action, even the police got involved — resulting in an FIR against him for “insulting the modesty of women.” Many women were rather unaware that their modesty was of such great concern to the police, given their track record of taking women’s “modesty” seriously. According to inside sources, the actor in question is, at present, able to bare the heat — but the same cannot be said for the police, NGOs, and lawyers passionately standing up for public decency. As per the FIR, the actor “crossed all limits of a cultured and gentlemen person.” This comes as a surprise to those who had thought that the bar for “crossing limits” lay elsewhere — such as in cases of sexual harassment, rape, or murder. Many other cultured and gentlemen persons also took the incident as a lesson in what constitutes modesty and offense to the country at large. Between an emperor and an actor wearing no clothes, then, only the latter’s crossed limits count.
Actor Develops Parasocial Relationship With His Own Character, Continues to Defend Misogyny Half a Decade Later
A man who played a character known for calling dibs on women and slapping them out of anger has chosen to once again defend the role half a decade later. While on a talk show, he was asked whether he thought the character was a misogynist — to which he used many words to say “yes, and so am I.” Researchers are in the process of studying the peculiar phenomenon — of an actor developing a parasocial relationship with a character they themselves played. Scientists are also attempting to study why male actors in particular are drawn to the worst male characters in the name of art.
Man We Already Know Too Much About Donates More Information to the Public
The world’s richest man may not share some of his money, but he certainly has a wealth of information to share about himself. When accused of having an affair with someone else, he kindly informed the world that he “hasn’t had sex in ages,” thereby ending all speculation once and for all. The tidbits of information are things we may well have to live with now, in the absence of any other contribution from the man who somehow continues to occupy much of our public space, discourse, and well-being. The man’s peers in tech are all racing to monetize the free TMI shares, capitalizing on the fact that we are all now shareholders in an attention economy. The next innovation in tech, then, would be to find a way to encash our attention spans that are held hostage by billionaires sharing their thoughts and opinions.