In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Relationship Expert Teaches World What Not to Do
Many moons ago, a crooner assured us all that she will, indeed, be loved. Today, we’re well aware that he really meant it — if there is any loving to do, it will be shared equally by all the shes. While the world was colored shocked by the revelation, turning a shade of maroon at the scandal, the man whipped out his relationship expert chops and calmly reassured us that it all makes sense. Years ago, he confessed to his affairs while simultaneously giving the world a new scientific hypothesis: it’s not his fault, because monogamy is not in our genes. But this is a man with many a feather in his cap: as a relationship expert, he is also an expert navigator, delineating for the world where exactly The LineTM is located, and to what extent he has crossed it. Even amid the high tide of love, the singer’s acute sense of direction — combined with superhuman self-control that goes, by his own admission, against genetics — allowed him to pinpoint the exact location of line-crossing: the Prime Married-ian, if you will. At present, reports suggest that he is straddling this very line precariously, demonstrating for eager pupils how to not end up in this position.
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Another Serial Killer Drama Showcases White Men’s Criminal Talents
In a bid to raise social awareness about an overlooked and underrated talent, a streaming service released another limited series detailing the spectacularly grisly achievements of another white man. Critics have praised the series for representing the singular talent of white men to unleash horrific violence on women — especially marginalized ones. It’s an important win for diversity: while news channels are regarded to be sufficiently representative of white men’s actions, streaming is yet to catch up. Many appreciate the way that their acts of dismembering other human beings for pleasure start an important conversation about how doing so is wrong. Others felt it was important to understand the mind of the killer to learn exactly how he did the things he did — offering no other explanation for why they felt it imperative to do so.
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Man Unveils Genderless Skincare Brand for Genderless Skin
A man, with his man skin, launched a skincare line for genderless skin. Unlike other skincare products that are exclusively for girl skin (and some for boy skin), this product promises to cater to genderless skin. This led many to Many simultaneously learnt of the existence of gender within skin itself. And now, But with the dab of a cream there and a spritz of toner here, gender itself promises to be abolished. Finally, Now, everyone can participate in the capitalist wellness industrial complex equally — with no gender-based inclusions or exclusions. Society truly can rest easy with the knowledge that skin will no longer have gender — unfortunately, however, it leaves the problem of all the gender that exists outside skin itself.
