In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.

Trolls Demand Apology From Actor for Calling Violence a Bad Thing

This week, an actor expressed her thoughts on violence — that it is bad, and that she doesn’t stand for it. This sent trolls into a tailspin as it directly condemned their way of life. The actor’s statement that violence is unjust, no matter where it comes from and who commits it, is indeed a hard pill to swallow — even more so, for those whose sentiments cause an allergic reaction to the pill. Some noted that the actor was a hypocrite — on the one hand, for condemning violence; on the other, for so violently hurting the trolls’ feelings. With the medical emergency of several sentiments being hurt, people began to call for the actor’s boycott. It remains to be seen how the nation’s healthcare system will continue to bear the brunt of sentiments in such dire straits as to be critically hurt every time an actor expresses an opinion.

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Comic Bros Helpless As Edgy Cult Film Announces Musical Sequel

Fans of a film that is said to have inspired incels are in for a surprise: their favorite cult character is returning to the big screen, but in an unexpected way. The sequel will be a musical, featuring a singer and drag icon — completely contrary to the nihilistic violent fantasy of the first instalment. After spending months defending the merit of the film glorifying a mass-murdering clown, film and comic bros have had to question their alliance with the announcement of the sequel so contrary to their entire aesthetic. The joke, it turns out, has been on them all along.

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Streaming Giant Capitalizes on Fictional Gameshow Critiquing Capitalism

A Korean TV show recently made waves for the way it allegorizes the way society loves making poor people suffer and squirm for some scraps with which to make a living. It satirized how the rich and powerful find it entertaining to gamify the misery and destitution of millions, watching them fight one another to death — just so they can win a cash prize that the rich could have paid to all contestants countless times over. In short, it aptly encapsulated the ways in which capitalism makes an underclass of people debase themselves for the entertainment and profit of elites. And this is exactly what the streaming service that produced the show has announced in real-life — effectively bringing the plot to a full circle. It turns out that we were in the game all along, and it won’t be long before we realize that life is a simulation under the control of corporates. Oh, wait!