In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Two Formerly Cool Artists Become Unexpected Competitors in Race to Cancellation
An artist and former bad girl, who did it well, has now merely turned bad — and not in a good way. Her latest tweet that equated vaccines with conspiracy theories against school shootings has put her in a league with another artist whose latest uncool exploit has been antisemitism. Reports suggest that a secret, mysterious affliction is beginning to affect only formerly cool artists, leaving many of them afraid for their reputations. The progression of the affliction eventually leads to a point of no return, wherein it’s impossible to retrieve the aura they once had. These two artists, in question, are the latest casualties, as displayed by their propensity for the affliction’s most telling symptoms: denial, lashing out at critics, peddling unfounded theories, spreading false equivalences, and targeting people who just want to know why. Keen researchers on the internet have a name for the affliction: accountability.
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Women Starve Themselves for Men in Feminist Act of Resistance
This year, a festival that deemed men’s longevity to be dependent on women’s suffering made a feminist comeback. Women across the country decked up in their grandest of reds made declarations of feminism as they proceeded to starve for their husbands. It’s a subversion of the critique against marriage, wherein the institution became something that women could reclaim from within by not partaking of sustenance. Empty stomachs, then, became a site for revolution — where women could band together to collectively pray that their husbands live longer to hold dominion over them. Their actions took the patriarchy by surprise. An entity that was hitherto used to angry feminists rejecting all its institutions was so disarmed by their stealth attack in the form of heartily embracing said institutions, that women were rendered free of patriarchy. The strategic onslaught of starvation and prayer for men’s lives against sexist oppression was a masterstroke rivaled by few — notably, feminists who subvert beauty by abiding by all its norms.
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Man to Whom Little Birdies Already Relay Information Quits Bird App
A man, known by some as the master of secrets, has quit a social media app that styles itself after his lieutenants. He’s a famous movie producer also known for his expertise in stirring the pot. Among his latest investments was a certain piece of real estate: the grapevine. As someone who owns the vital line of communication for drama and gossip, he no longer felt the need for an app that often tends to discuss things that were said on his chat show. His departure from the platform is reportedly for the sake of positive vibes only — as is the overwhelming feature of his films about oppressive families, jealous men who can’t take rejection, cheating spouses, and a college that bestows all its honors upon beautiful students.
