Woe Is Me! “I Kept Dumping My Partner, Now He’s Ghosting Me. How Do I Get Him Back?”
Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.
“As embarrassing as it is to accept it, I kept breaking up with my former partner on impulse, in anger, and for reasons that didn’t matter. I loved him with all my heart, but sometimes, it felt like he didn’t understand my mental health and everything I was going through, since he had a perfectly decent life, at that time. So, I would get agitated and break up with him.
After our last breakup, though, he was adamant not to get back together, and ghosted me. I spent months focusing on myself, and realized that I’d lost a perfectly good person due to my own toxic behavior. I tried getting back together with him, but he wasn’t interested. I really do love him. What can I do?”
— Am I the red flag?
SA: You made your bed, now you get to lay in it. It sucks but it would be best to move on and let your ex go. He obviously feels hurt and slighted by you, justifiably so. He needs time to heal and focus on himself like you did. Not to be cliché but there are lots of fish in the sea. Let this one go, and if you’re meant to, you’ll cross paths at another stage in your life when he’s ready to forgive. And the good news is you know your behavior was toxic in the past, and the next time (yes, there definitely will be a next time) a good person comes along, you’ll treat them better and it’ll hopefully work out for the best.
DR: Just because you’ve introspected and realized you were toxic in the past, doesn’t mean you are entitled to another shot with someone you treated badly. Kudos to you for learning how to introspect and being able to perceive the flaw in your past actions, but expecting another chance just because you did some bare minimum self-reflection indicates — to me, at least — that you have a lot more growing up left to do yet!
QG: Have you tried showing up outside his house and blasting some music in the rain to profess your undying love? Kidding!
I understand where he’s coming from in feeling disillusioned about this. Maybe you can attempt to have a sincere conversation with him and try to regain his trust? See what he has to say and make space, both in and after that conversation, for respect. Show him that you really listen to him and understand his emotions. If he still doesn’t come around, this is something to learn from and apply in the future. Woh kya kehte hai? If you love him, let him go.
Ranbir Kapoor says, “Pyaar hota kayi baar hai,” in his awful movie this year, and here’s a secret — he wasn’t lying. Cheers, and take it easy.
AT: Honestly, just accept it. They probably ‘ghosted’ you because they were trying to set a boundary in a toxic relationship and sometimes no matter how much we grow up and learn, some people can trigger us. So, maybe, just move on.
AS: It’s time to move on. It’ll be hard, but you need to accept the fact that you did, in fact, hurt him. Instead of trying to get back with him, I think you need to respect his decision and give him the space he needs. We all learn from our mistakes, and hopefully, going forward, this experience will help you be more mindful of others, so that you can better communicate your feelings in a relationship and not jump to extreme decisions that you may regret later. Why not continue to focus on yourself for now, and take the time you need to heal from this too?