Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.

"My boyfriend once watched porn with his girl best friend at her place. It happened long before we started dating, but it still seems absurd to me. It makes me wonder how close they were then. He is the kind of person who doesn't allow anyone into his close circle, and he would also be really apprehensive about my friendship with other boys (even reading our chats). I don’t know how to deal with this. What should I do?"

- Porn: The ultimate relationship test

NY: In my view, brooding over something which as you say happened long before you both entered into a relationship, does not serve either of you well. It's possible for it to have been merely an act of curiosity, and even if it led to something more intimate, you cannot really fault him for an action outside the bounds of a committed relationship with you.

However, if you find (as you should) him reading your personal chats with friends problematic and an affront to your privacy and individuality within the relationship, you should definitely put your foot down and take it up with him but perhaps without bringing up things from the past because it is not fair to use a piece of information he entrusted you with to use against him in a fight.

SA: Seems shady and unnecessary. I don't know of any friends that watch porn together honestly so I'm not buying that theory. Unless they were curious teenagers just discovering the concept of sex? Even then it seems odd. Maybe you should ask him about it to understand how that came about. Also if they're still friends maybe they should draw some serious boundaries.

AS: If two people watched porn together once, before you both entered a committed relationship with each other, I don’t think it means they have some sort of hidden relationship that you should be worried about – it could easily have been out of curiosity rather than anything else. What I find more concerning is those chat-reading sessions you mentioned. (I really hope those are with your consent.) From your woe (and I could be wrong, here) you both seem incredibly apprehensive of each others’ friends and circles. I think if it’s troubling you, best to lay it all out and speak to him about this. Better to be on the same page rather than live in doubt and not be able to trust your partner. That goes for both of you.