Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.
"A long-time friend has discovered smoothies, Ayurveda, yoga, and is going down a rabbit hole of alternative lifestyles. I'm worried she's developing some kind of disordered eating, or at the very least her obsession with being healthy feels... unhealthy. But increasingly, I've been put off by her constant judging of my lifestyle, and how she makes me feel "unclean" because of the things I eat and how I don't exercise like she does. I don't have her time or energy, I'm just busy trying to get through work and everything else! Should I tell her to cut it out, or will I be risking losing her to conspiracy-land? What should I do?"
- "Toxic" Friend
MJ: While encouraging someone to be healthier is great, not everyone can afford the same time, energy and resources as the other person. Belittling someone, much worse, a friend for it is extremely unhealthy. Her attitude almost feels like a defence mechanism to cope with a wounded self esteem. Communicate how you feel to her and if she acknowledges it, great. If she retorts with a worse comeback, distance yourself from her for good, you don’t need that kind of energy in your life.
NY: Well, I have been in the same place as you. My best friend after falling in love with a boy started doing all those Chloe Ting workouts and crash dieting which soon turned into backhanded comments and expressions of grimace at my “unhealthy snacking”. So I’d say cutting ties swiftly might just save your sanity, and perhaps your appetite too!
SA: Live and let live. If the hyper-healthy lifestyle suits her then that's great but she shouldn't be telling you what to do. Similarly you need to keep your opinions to yourself unless you see some obvious cause for concern. Is her lifestyle simply different from yours or actually resulting in dangerous choices that might affect her permanently? If it's the former, then frankly it's none of your business. While alternate lifestyles might not be for you, they do in fact seem to be the right choice for a lot of people. She's an adult who's likely discovering new things and trying them out. Give it some time before you jump to conclusions.
RN: She's one of them now, run! But really, it's worth trying to save her from this rabbit-hole of conspiracy which only seems to be making her life harder. Maybe try presenting her with research and evidence that backs up the fact that none of what she's doing will help her in the long-run -- at least not without some costs. Or more realistically, ignore her judgement and do one better: relish that mac and cheese pointedly in front of her as she nibbles on an unsatisfying salad.
