In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Director Takes Unnecessary Side Gig in Ultimate Indian Matchmaking
A director known for his extremely sober, realistic depiction of both school and romance has now involved himself in a website that combines both. Not to be confused with a reality show by the same name, the director offered his matchmaking expertise and endorsed a matrimony service exclusively for graduates of elite Indian universities. His latest venture — representing how marriage is kept firmly within bounds of prestige and connections — may be his most realistic one yet. Reports suggest that the man was considered the perfect choice for the ad where gates are firmly shut to outsiders. The students of the year who sign up for it will compete with one another to win the best match that the website has to offer — because “alma mater, matters.” How this will be achieved, given the gender ratio in the institutes is roughly equivalent to that of star kids to outsiders in Bollywood, remains to be seen. Though the choice was met with much outrage, for the director, this is arguably an artistic achievement, seeing as it blurs the line between reality, fantasy, and a long bit.
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Comedian and Charlatan Offer Joint Expertise on Covid19 Situation
As two certified experts in virology, sociology, psychology, and all the “logys” on offer in the academy, a stand-up comic and a religious leader discussed the science behind India’s coronavirus deaths. After deliberating on the subject using all their powers of reasoning and astute logic, the duo arrived at the conclusion that some people simply did not pass the vibe check. Their analysis went a step further than that of scientists — it transcended science altogether.
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Legendary Singer’s Precious Last Song Turned Into Little More Than Digital Pokéball
When a beloved singer’s death shook the country more than a year ago, little did fans expect to see his last remaining gift to the world enclosed in an algorithm concocted by tech bros after the 2008 financial crisis. The singer’s last song is on sale as an NFT — which means it is available for virtual purchase by people with virtual money in a virtual transaction. Proud owners of the song will get a chance to show off their purchase in their virtual living rooms, maybe, where virtual people can look at it. Meanwhile, it will be available for listening by virtually anyone — but bragging rights over its actualy ownership, whatever that means, are sadly reserved only for the wealthy.
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Award Function’s Nominee Swag Bag Short Only of Infinity Stones
A prestigious award function hands out prizes not only to winners, but also nominees. A look inside the gift bag shows that it contains every luxury possible for every sense of the body — leaving only the sixth sense wanting to be pampered. Reportedly, the next ceremony’s goodies will include infinity stones, one for each sense. With it, lucky winners will then get to bend space-time and even reality to their will for pleasure, leaving their fellow-humans to deal with the after-effects of their indulgences.
