In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Public Outrage at Woman Who Made Saffron Look Good for Once
In an unexpected turn of events, a group of saffron enthusiasts have risen up in protest against a woman’s outfit in that color. Specifically, they took issue with saffron being the color of choice in a song that religious ministers found “objectionable.” This is a departure from previous trends, where there was no such objection to spiritual men wearing little else than saffron loincloths. Some speculate that the primary cause for concern is that the color was supposed to look hateful — which, on the actor in the song, it manifestly did not. Amid calls for boycotting the film, speculation abounds as to what other form of orange that’s pleasing to the eye is on the chopping block. Reportedly, many have begun to boil over in uncontrollable rage against sunsets, and have threatened to boycott the sun for making the sky look the way it does at a certain time of day. Indeed, evenings themselves may be banned, given how dangerous it is for the public to see saffron in any form not associated with extremism.
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Dishwashing Liquid Finally Inclusive of Forgotten Gender
A dishwashing liquid brand recently released a product that sought to include a forgotten community into the dishwashing profession: men. Acknowledging a glass and plate ceiling that prevented men from washing dishes, the brand boldly attempted to break stereotypes and invite them to the job by turning its packaging black. It is widely known that black is a color whose frequency on the visible light spectrum activates masculinity, thereby encouraging cis men to participate in household chores. Many applauded the brand for starting a much needed conversation about the unfair gender gap in dishwashing, where men have been historically excluded from the unpaid chore. The pathbreaking move toward men’s empowerment in the household, however, ultimately proved to be a joke — showing how pervasive sexism against men in the kitchen is still not taken seriously.
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Free Speech Enthusiast Frees Social Media Users of Speech
A man who loved free speech so much that he bought a public platform for it has taken his enthusiasm for the human right a step further. Amid an ongoing bid to change the terms of service on the app, accounts of several journalists were found to be suspended with no explanation. The move prompted many to hold the man accountable for violating their right to free expression and undermining the press — but unbeknownst to them, the free speech zealot is one step ahead. As an ardent promoter of free speech, he is said to be changing the platform in a way that frees individuals of their right to speak altogether. He’s specifically partial toward those who speak about him — indeed, he’s doing them a favor by saving them the trouble of saying anything about him at all that he isn’t already making obvious through his actions.
