In The Buzz Cut, we bring you a round-up of news you wish wasn’t news.
Woman Wears Historic Dress to Make Archaic Statement
A woman recently made headlines for her double throwback to a 60s icon and 60s gender conventions too. Candid about how she shed 16 pounds in less than a month, she laboriously carried history on her shoulders without the weight indeed. Liposuction practitioners HATE her and bariatric surgeons can’t stand the way she trimmed the fat off history itself. Fashion magazines are tripping over themselves to learn her secret to share with vulnerable girls even as time travel physicists can’t help but marvel at her ingenuity. Does she weight for history, or does history weight for her? Only time will tell.
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Concerned Man Announces Yet Another Film on Social Issue That Doesn’t Concern Him
A man known for taping his crusades is back with yet another story for the masses: this one on North-East Indian insurgency. The man now has so many social justice films to his credit that he has earned himself a reputation for solving all manner of problems, even when they don’t involve him. When there is a social issue to be solved, trust this man to arrive with a camera crew — there to redeem injustice, just in time.
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Actor Braves Death-Defying Leap From Atop Own Bigotry Into Eid Party
A woman firmly silenced critics who couldn’t believe she performed her own stunts this week. The said act of bravery happened when she flung herself without a harness from the highest peak — her bigotry — to the lowest valley — her shame. When asked how she did it, the enigmatic actor, also known for her reticence, only returned an enigmatic smile for the paps. Her acrobatics led her to a well-earned revelry to celebrate the occasion of Eid, a festival celebrated by people she hates. All’s well that ends well.
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Chat Show Sparks Conjecture About Itself, Pats Self On the Back For Cleverness
A notorious talk show announced its return this week; but not before engaging in some intelligent commentary about television’s decline and its own freedom from the authoritarian grip of ratings through death. Others decoded a cryptic Instagram post as a symbol of our own state of confusion about reality. While the PR team definitely intended to convey this, it also just meant to promote a new season on OTT instead: but not before stirring the media pot into a whirlpool of takes and reactions of its own.
