Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.
"I come from a conservative family, and I've been hiding my true identity from them for years. I'm afraid of their reaction if they find out, but living a double life is taking a toll on my mental health. I long for acceptance and authenticity, but I'm paralyzed by fear. How do I muster the courage to come out to my family?"
– Living in the Shadows
NY: It's a roll of the dice in such cases. You either hit the jackpot with the most amazingly understanding family, or it can all go haywire. There's also the rare scenario of them softening towards you through the years. In my opinion, if you have a separate living space, financial independence, and a strong emotional support system of friends and family, then, maybe, you can go for it. Or else, steer clear of such impulsive thoughts and save yourself immense disappointment as well as resentment towards your kin.
SA: Since it's acceptance you seek from your family, I wouldn't encourage any drastic steps. I think it's best to take it slow and steady with them to avoid shocking them with the news. Try opening up about your feelings about relationships and dating, in general, and let their responses organically lead to the next steps. If they seem put off by the concept of dating from the get-go, it might not be the right time to broach the subject.
It's always better to make these decisions when you're not feeling such abject fear. Help yourself get to a place of comfort with them first. In the meantime talk to friends (who are hopefully more accepting) and normalize having these conversations. The courage will come from building it bit by bit, and not all at once.
DR: My heart breaks for you, but I also know you aren't alone in this dilemma; there are many like you in India -- hiding their lifestyles, their sexualities, their partners, their careers, and much more from their families. While leading a double life is an easy way to exercise independence while avoiding the judgment and contempt of our conservative families, the mental toll of hiding, too, is enormous. You have to decide: is it worth it?
