Woe Is Me! is a series in which The Swaddle team indulges your pity party with advice you’ll probably ignore.

"I am in a relationship with a guy who has a female best friend. She is my friend too, but after my boyfriend and I began dating, her behavior changed, and she started competing with me for his attention. Later, she confessed that she, too, had feelings for him. My boyfriend said that although he doesn't feel the same way, he cares for her. So, I asked them to set some boundaries. They didn’t talk for a month, but after that, everything went back to the same.

One thing that I find particularly weird is that he calls her every day. I tried confronting him about this, and he said he couldn't just abandon her because she's been there for him. I get that, but I also fear he’s overly invested in her, emotionally. I’m not comfortable with him calling her every day or meeting her frequently, but I don’t think that's going to change. Am I overreacting, or is my intuition telling me something?"

-- Gut instinct

SA: Always listen to your gut.

If she has feelings for him and he genuinely wants to maintain only a healthy friendship with her, then he should realize that the only way to do that would be to distance her for a bit so that her feelings for him naturally go away. His insistence on indulging her will only serve to strengthen her feelings. It's perfectly normal to not be comfortable with such a dynamic, and if your boyfriend doesn't understand that, maybe, this is not worth all the debate in the first place?

Cut your losses and keep yourself away from this complicated situation. You'll find someone else who's worth your time.

NY: Um... not to be that person, but I would say: lean into your intuition. Friendships can be a lot of things, but acceptance, trust, and support are essential. This friendship triangle between the three of you could have been great for your relationship, in a sense, if the said girl had your back. But since she admittedly has feelings for your boyfriend and he's visibly invested in her, it does strike me as a slippery slope. I'd advise you to tread with caution and keep testing the waters. You might not be able to get a lot from either of them in terms of authentic disclosure, so you may end up second-guessing yourself and reading into things -- that's one rabbit hole you might want to avoid, if possible. 

But if neither of them is taking any measures to reassure you and if your boyfriend is not able to provide you with that safety and stability you're seeking, then I think something's gotta give.

AS: I understand where your discomfort is coming from -- even if your friend doesn’t have feelings for your boyfriend anymore, she once did, and that knowledge itself is enough to create doubts. Now, if your gut is strongly telling you something, and if you have reason to not trust your boyfriend when he says she’s just a friend he cares for, then, by all means, listen to it.

But to play devil’s advocate for a second: if they go way back, as he says, I can understand why he would make the effort to maintain that friendship. In this case, however, your friend doesn't seem to be understanding your discomfort; neither is your boyfriend truly respecting the boundaries you had asked for. While it’s possible their friendship is just that, it honestly comes down to the fact that you’re uncomfortable with their dynamic -- which is something you should raise with both of them, again.

If you find that you can’t get yourself to trust him, then make the decision you think is best for you.